Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker

95,865 notes

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man:
Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee:
Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man:
I never filled out an application.
Employee:
Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man:
No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee:
Well, but that doesn't-
Man:
AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee:
But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man:
OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee:
Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man:
Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee:
...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man:
Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee:
That...doesn't make any sense.
Man:
NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Employee:
Man:
Employee:
Man:
Fuck you, slut.
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